provision.

I started writing out this blog, but before posting it I doubted whether or not I should. It seems kind of personal. And honestly my pride doesn’t want me to. But this is something to celebrate and share, so here’s our story of the Lord’s provision. 

Jesse and I spent months discussing and praying over our decision about my work status after the baby was born. I knew I wanted to stay home with the baby, but we had to figure out if it’d even be a possibility financially. After looking at childcare options and taking into consideration how much I spent on gas each month, it just didn’t add up. We adjusted our budget to allow for the bare necessities and gave ourselves three months after the baby to figure out what’s next. 

Within a week of Henry’s birth the bills started coming in. Of course most of them were unexpected – ambulance ride, c-section, hospital stay. A couple of weeks ago I sat down to sort through some bills and became completely overwhelmed. We needed help. Jesse and I have made an effort to be wise with our finances – using the envelope system, putting money into savings each month, not using our credit card. In the past year things came up unexpectedly that we had to spend money on, but we always had the money to cover it. Going through these bills left me replaying every financial decision we had made in the past year and thinking “If only we hadn’t paid for this or that…” That clearly wasn’t helpful. 

When Jesse got home I immediately started crying. We talked through it a bit. And I prayed for the Lord’s provision. Y’all – he provided! 

  • That night Jesse got a phone call asking for help with a small woodworking project.
  • Someone left a check in our mailbox that covered our groceries for the week and then some.
  • Someone left a 100 dollar bill on our counter. 
  • One of the bills had been coded wrong with the insurance company, so they’re reviewing it so hopefully it will be covered. If for some reason insurance doesn’t cover it the company said they’d give us a discount. 
  • The hospital allowed us to be on a 3 month payment plan easing the burden.
  • I was asked to work a wedding in August. 
  • Our home group gave us enough money to cover one of the bills. 
  • Jesse was asked to help with another project. 

All of these things happened within a week or two of my breakdown. God heard us and answered! 

I’ve really had to battle this western idea of success and the “American dream”. Our culture tells us that money and riches equal success and fulfillment, so being in a season where money is tight makes me feel like I’ve failed. I buy into that lie constantly and have to remember that it’s just not true. I had to keep repeating to myself that it’s a blessing that money is the burden we carry – not sickness, not a difficult marriage, though in all those things God’s grace is sufficient. 

So sure, I’m not rich. Some projects we want to finish around the house will have to wait a while. Going out to eat just means Chipotle. But I have an incredible husband, the sweetest little baby boy, and a God that hears me and loves me. 

And he said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on.  For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! 
Luke 12.22-24

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