the waiting game.

Little baby – when are you coming? Momma doesn’t like waiting!

Our first due date has come and gone. First due date, you ask? Well, I have a few. Without going into too much detail – the “due date” could be anytime between March 27th and April 3rd based on the first sonogram and good ole’ biology. One thing we can be sure of – this baby is coming! We just don’t know when. As of last week, the baby had dropped and was in prime position to get this thing going. However, it just seems that he/she is quite content on the inside. Takes after me! I go to the birth center tomorrow for a biophysical profile just to make sure everything is still progressing well.

My first week of maternity leave was really productive – lots of yard work done (thanks to my parents) and errands run. That came to a screeching halt when I got a vicious stomach bug on Thursday. Bless all you ladies with morning sickness, because that was awful! I am so grateful for the birth center. I called on Friday after everything had chilled out because I read that vomiting can be a sign that your body is preparing for labor, so I was curious – how do you know if you’re just sick or if your body is ready to go? One of the midwives just told me to come up, so I could be checked out. No labor, but I did get a shot to help me catch up on sleep I had missed and to take away the nausea. I slept for 16 hours and it was glorious!

I’ve noticed the past few days that I’m incredibly anxious! We were told in birthing class (and Jesse is great about reminding me) that most first time babies are late – an average of 9 days past the due date. And really I may not even be at my true “due date” yet. We’ve just been fixated on this one date for so long, now that it’s passed us by I’m getting really antsy. The truth is – I don’t know how to just sit and wait. My life has been marked by a jam packed schedule for so long, that free time is unsettling to me.

And then there’s fear. I get nervous that something is wrong, so the baby isn’t coming. Or I get fearful that the baby will never come and all of these things that I didn’t want – medical induction, c-section, etc. will be the only solution. As a result, I try to busy myself to drown out the fear and anxiety instead of running to my one true hope – Jesus. The fact that Jesus is enough, that he alone is my strength has been brought up again and again and again over the past 40 weeks. We’ve walked closely with people over the past year who have struggled with infertility or miscarriage, so when we found out we were pregnant the reality of loss was really fresh for us. So in my head I thought, “If we can make it to the second trimester, we’ll be in the clear, and I won’t have to be scared.” Then the second trimester came around, and I didn’t feel the baby move as soon as most people do. My fear then was, “What’s wrong? Why don’t I feel the baby move?” I felt the first move at about 21 weeks. I will never forget that first little kick! But then, if the baby didn’t move for awhile, my good friend, fear, came right back for a visit – “The baby has been still. Something is wrong.” And now, as I prepare for labor and delivery, and life as a mom, I’m realizing that there will always be the possibility of something bad. In fact, I know something is coming at some point, because we live in a broken world. But when my eyes and heart are set on Jesus, I know that I have an unshakeable hope. God truly is for his glory and my good. The Lord has been sweet to remind me of this over and over again.

Our church has been studying Nehemiah. Yesterday I was reading Nehemiah 9 and the timing couldn’t have been more perfect. The entire chapter is just one big confession of sin and how despite that sin the Lord was faithful. It’s good to remember and proclaim how God has been faithful to his people. There are countless times that I can recall where the Lord has been so evident in provision or the answering of prayer. It just takes me a while to get to that place of remembrance sometimes.

So little baby, there are a lot of people waiting to meet you. We are eager to hold and hug and love you! Especially Roger. He’s worn out from excitement.




One thought on “the waiting game.

  1. I remember the last few weeks when I was pregnant, and remember being so anxious/excited that I couldn’t think about anything else. It was so hard! You’re doing great. I was so impatient, that when the due date came with no sign of progress in three weeks, I went ahead and went for the induction. I still wish I had waited and had the chance to experience a “natural childbirth”, but when he was in my arms, I didn’t care how he got here, just that he was here and he was healthy. However it all ends up happening, it will happen, and at the end of the day when that sweet baby is in your arms, it will all have been worth it, no matter what happens between now and then. I’m so excited for you. You are going to be a wonderful Mom. There is absolutely nothing like it, and I can’t wait to celebrate in your joy when baby M makes his/her appearance in this world. Love you!

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